Thursday, July 3, 2008

Can everyone orgasm?

I'm a 19-year-old female and I have never had an orgasm. I
feel as though I've tried everything. I heard somewhere that there is a
small percentage of women who "just can't" have orgasms, and I'm
worried that I'm one of those women. Could this be true?

There have been two answers to this question for a long time, but more recently it is more common to believe that ALL women can have an orgasm. And at 19, it is by no means strange to have never had a orgasm. Statistically, many women only discover the orgasm in college, and still more after that. not to worry!
There are many ways that women can reach orgasm, and often they don't get spoken about. I think that much of the language around the female orgasm and female pleasure is actually sort of male-centric. The language of "harder," faster," etc. usually does not apply when it comes to pleasuring a woman, which is confusing when all of the images of women experiencing extreme pleasure are associated with more aggressive sexual activity. Usually (but not always, of course), women achieve orgasm very slowly and gently.
I would reccomend trying to reach orgasm on your own first, so that you aren't anxious and won't get frustrated or nervous... it will also allow you to experiement with other object or methods you can't use with a partner, such as with water (like in a bathtub) or a vibrator (although you can absolutely use any number of toys with a partner as well). Also, start without the goal of an orgasm in mind. Simply explore yourself to try and discover what feels good, better, and the best for a little while - and maybe several times - before you get even close to orgasm. Try different positions, such as on your stomach or on your back, too, and try different temperatures- a hot towel or cloth, for example, can get your body more excited or ready. It is true that orgasm often (if not always) comes from clitoral stimulation. But many women have very sensitive clitorises, so stimulating the area around the clitoris or indirectly touching the clitoris can work better than direct stimulation (which, for some, can be more painful than pleasurable).
Don't give up hope! there is so much time left for you to discover your orgasm, and you are certainly not alone in where you stand now.

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