Saturday, May 24, 2008

Should I sleep with a promiscuous person?

Should I sleep with a promiscuous person? As a questioning male, I thought that it would be easier to explore my sexuality but finding a sexual partner has been a bit of a challenge. Should I have sex with a man I know has had many sexual partners (and who has been hitting on me for awhile?)

Well.... do you want to? Is this someone you feel sexually attracted to? Do you trust this person? Do you have access to condoms & dental dams? Do you feel comfortable asking your sexual partner to use protection? Do you know how to use a condom & dental dam?

These are all questions we'd hope/expect you to consider when choosing whether to have sex with someone or not. Talk about sexual history with *anyone* you choose to have sex with- not just someone perceived to be promiscuous.

While it may not feel sexy, the two of you need to discuss when each of you was last tested for STIs and! if either of you has had any sexual partners since that time. If so, it so totally appropriate and more than okay to say “hey, I’d like to have sex/hookup/fool around (or insert appropriate verb here), but I think we should both get tested and see what’s up first.” If someone tests positive for an STI and there's medication to cure it, wait until it's cleared up. If it's an STI that has no cure, they'll learn from the clinician what methods of protection are most effective at blocking the transmission to a partner, but if you're that partner, you're entitled to know and make a choice of what amount of risk you are comfortable taking.

Once that's all taken care of and the moment is ripe/hot, you can try asking “should I get a condom/dental dam?” to initiate sexual activity with the assumption that safer sex will be practiced. Or you can try: "I want us to practice safer sex...and I have a condom/dental dam with me. Do you have a preference for a brand or style?" (There are definitely glow-in-the-dark-styles….!!)

Mini-lecture: Recent estimates suggest that while representing 15 to 24 year olds represent 25% of the sexually active population, that age group acquires nearly half of all new STIs (source: CDC), so frequent testing is important!

Okay, so overall message: your concern is completely valid regarding STI transmission, especially if you know this guy has had unprotected sex and/or has never been tested. Once you’ve established that you and he are safe, there is absolutely nothing wrong with experimenting. It may turn out to be a really great way to feel how it goes with a guy, maybe learn some techniques, and have fun – of course in a mega safe environment.

Good Luck!

1 comment:

theszak said...
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